The Weight of my Words

11:32pm: Budapest
Well, Franz had some 'business' in Miami, Florida this past weekend, so Martina took the girls and I to Budapest, Hungary.  Now, I must admit, the further east you go in Europe, the less and less famous it is... for some reason, France and Germany (and maybe Italy) are what people think of right away when they think of Europe.  Even in my travels I've kind of thought the same thing... but if one sticks to Western Europe, they're missing a TON!  Budapest is very old... a lot like Vienna, only it wasn't almost completley destroyed in the war so almost all of the architecture is as old as the city itself.  The big, famous, important buildings are extremley large, and even the every-day house or shop is old and has elements of old age and character.

Our hotel was Hotel Gellert, an amazing 5-star hotel on the Danube with an amazing heatly and beauty spa.  We got one of the suites, so there were two rooms and two bathrooms.  We arrived late on Friday night and hate dinner in the hotel.  I ate traditional Hungarian goulasch and had a real Hungarian violinst play me Zigeunerweisen.  I knew right then it was going to be a good trip.  We left the hotel later than I wanted to on Saturday, but that was okay because we still got to see everything.  Budapest is split into two sides with the Danube River in the middle.  The sides are called Buda and Pest.  We started off in Pest on Heros Square.  This is the monument that honors the founders of Hungary... the huns, to be precise.  They all looked so angry and scary, but of course that didn't stop us from taking photos of/with them.  I hopped up on the monument and after me so did what seemed to be the rest of the tourists there... wonder if that's actually allowed or not?  Then we drove past the opera house to the Kettenbrucke... the famous chain/lion bridge that crosses the Danube.  We did a bit of shopping before dropping the girls off at the hotel so Martina and I could continue sight seeing. We went up the 'hill' on the Buda side to check out the palace where Sisi lived (not only was she the big gal on campus in Austria, but also in Hungary).  We had enough to do there until sunset.  We picked the girls up and I naviated us to a busy restaraunt street to find something good to eat.  We sat next to an obnoxious American, probably from somwhere in the Southwest.  I wanted to punch her for the way she talked and the way she represented us.  Gosh.  After dinner Theresa got really grumpy so we had to go home, but Marlene and Martina and I went back out until about 1 or so.  Just for your information, there is nothing to do in Budapest on Saturday night.  Nothing...

The next day, I got them all to wake up a bit earlier.  We started the morning off with a trip to the spa... I took a Turkish Bath!  Google it, it's easier for them to explain than me.  Afterwards we packed up our things and checked out.  On the way out of the city, we ran by Parliament so I could grab a few photos.  This place is one of the most enormous yet most beautiful buildings I have ever seen.  Unfortunatley, like every other building in all of Europe, it is undergoing renovations right now, so there was a tiny part of it that I couldn't quite absorb, but nonetheless, it gives our Rathaus a good run for it's money (and those of you that know me know how near and dear Rathaus is to me).  Then we ate some McDonalds at the train station.  I know I know, McDonalds in Hungary?  That's one of my things-- I go to McDonalds in every country I go to.  Yes, it is way different.  And this one is quite ritzy, I must say.

We stopped in a few small cities 'on the way' back to Vienna (or Becs... pronounced Beetsch in Hungarian).  The first one was Szentendre... which is now my favorite city in all of Europe.  It's such a small little town but is so incredibly beautiful.  I must admit, after awhile, all of the small European towns that Americans dream of look the same.  This one just kept surprising me with its beauty.  If it wasn't for the stupid and ugly and hard langauge, I would be able to live there!  The second city we stopped in was called Esztergom (I called it Escargo) just to see a really, really nice church seated on a cliff above the Danube.  We drove a bit further and stopped in Gyoer for dinner where I showed the girls how to be a monkey.  We arrived back in Vienna late in the evening and I don't think I've ever seen more new things in one short weekend.

Hungary is amazingly beautiful.  I realize it's not on many people's list of places to go, but if it isn't at least on there, you're missing out.  Budapest is something in itself... every European capital is quite unlike the country itself.  Beautiful nonetheless.  But perhaps my favorite part was driving through the countryside at sunset with the windows rolled down and absorbing it all.  It's so beautiful.  So near to Austria but so different.  To think they were once an empire all their own...

The people are a race all their own, I must say.  Unfortunatley not too attractive, but eh, what should you do?  There are a plethora of sex shops and whatnot littering the town, and it's easy to flip on the TV to an overweight couple going at it.  They were not so friendly, but nonetheless always willing to help.  Almost all of them spoke German or English, because nobody in the world speaks Hungarian (and who should?)  

That pretty much sums up my trip to Hungary to the extent I have the energy for right now.  lilwinterz13.spaces.live.com has photos.  My next trip will be on May 13th back to Bratislava to get my visa renewed, then on the 18th to Poland with my best friend (here) Michi and her family... I get to see Auschwitz!  Scared and excited at the same time.

Hope you're all well.
Cheers.
Dan

10:37pm: Southern France

5:43am: Strassburg
This past weekend, my class, along with the Politischebildung group went to Strassburg, France for the Euroscola (Euro-Scholar) seminar.  Not only was it interesting to get to know even more about the European Union and see the Parliament building and whatnot, but it was a really great bonding experience with my classmates.  Although at times it got stressful, I really got to know these kids even better and I think we're really starting to get close.  That actually kind of scares me-- I am already one of those people who doesn't like to let friends go and who gets all attached to people.  I told myself before I came that I wouldn't let this happen because once I left it would be even more difficult to keep in touch with them.  Nonetheless...

We left on Friday night... a 9 hour train ride.  The train ride was rather eventful, with one of my classmates vomitting all over our compartment... all over shoes, beds, all kinds of stuff, forcing us all to share beds (except for lucky me who got to sleep in the bed opposite Mr. Vomit.)  It was a lot of fun until that happened, but of course such an awkward situation made everyone just frustrated and by the time we finally made it to Strassburg we wanted to go home.  Of course, when we finally got to our hostel, our rooms weren't ready.  So we hung out a bit in a room, some people showered (like those of us who got puked on), then we went about some sight-seeing.  It's a pretty beautiful city.  It had been fought between France and Germany almost up until the Maastrict Treaty of '92, and one can really tell that there are both German and French influences.  It rained that whole day, which wasn't so super, but oh well.  We went to the top of the 'Cathedral of Our Lady,' which is the biggest church in the city (bigger than Stephansdom but not enormous).  It was here where one of my amazing classmates dropped my camera on the ground causing me a heart attack.  Aside from a corner being kind of funky, nothing happened.  Nonetheless, I'm used to my perfect camera.  Then we had free time in the city for about 8 hours or so.  I had my first real French food... Flambee!  It was pretty good.  Strassburg food isn't really French food, it's more typical of their provence, but nonetheless.  Some roaming and then back to get our stuff put into the hostel before going back out.  Had dinner at, you guessed it, McDonalds!  Only because I had to see just how different it tastes.  It's pretty much the worst.  And yes, it's different in every country, which is why it's my goal to taste it in every one I go to. 

Sunday was the big Euroscola day.  We went to the actual Parliament building where the EU Parliament meets once a month (aside from April and July where they meet in Brussels).  The room you see on TV's that holds 700 people and is all blue and stuff is where we were.  All 27 countries of the EU were represented, and our meetings were held in English with interpreters into French, German, and Spanish.  Anyone could speak in any of those languages or English.  We started with breakfast, then headed into that room where each country and school was introduced.  Cool to hear all of the accents in English.  We took some polls just like they do in the Parliament meetings, sitting in their seats and everything.  Then was lunch, and afterwards we were divided up into groups-- mine was The EU and His Future.  We elected a president and a spokesperson, then discussed issues the EU is facing now as well as ones that will probably come up in the future.  They liked to attack America quite a lot, so I stood up and did some defending.  It was intense for awhile.  Anyhow, we met in the big group again and voted on the proposals we formed in our small groups.  It ended up being a long day, but quite a good time, and I'm glad that I participated.

More free time in the city for eating and whatnot before heading back to the train station for the train ride home.  This one was much more comfortable, aside from the fact that I had to share a bed with Michi because we didn't have enough space.  It just goes to show how bonded we are, I guess.  Arrived in Vienna at 8.30 and had to go straight to school until 2.  We all stank, and nobody had any materials, so it was pointless, but we are disciplined (hahaha). 

That's the quick version.

11:27pm: Wo-ha
Boy do I wish I had the time and energy to post things the way I did at the beginning.  Rather than doing it online, in school I am writing pages and pages and pages of observations, comparisons, and feelings.  Hopefully some day (or night, as it so seems to go), I will be able to post a few snips here and there.  Otherwise, I'm afraid that this once dedicated blogger is only available to blog very seldom.

Tonight we went to see Beethoven's only opera, Fidelio.  Aside from the Vienna Philharmonic playing Brucker 5, this is probably the most amazing musical production I have ever seen. Not only does it help that the Vienna State Opera Orchestra are members of the Phil, but the cast is world-renouned.  This piece is particularly special because it is what was played at the re-opening (1955) of the re-built opera house after it was destroyed in the war (originally constructed in 1868 but criticized by the Viennese as a green frog and a scar in the Ringstrassenzeit).  It's got two overlying motifs-- Love and Freedom.  Quite perfect considering what was going on when Beethoven wrote this.  It took him three times, but he wrote a masterpiece.  While the entire thing was amazing, I was especially drawn to the flawlessness of the interlude in the second act.  It is probably the longest one ever written (about 15 minutes,) but the most technically challenging and musically astonishing.  Typical Beethoven one must say, for the bulk of it was heavy, dry, and almost angry.  However, what made it even more typical Beethoven was the soft, sweet phrases he threw between them.  There is a passage of about 8 measures where the high strings are playing straight 32nd note arpeggio's, and afterwards I wanted to both pee my pants and run up and hug each and every one of them.  The conductor, Adam Fischer, while old, led those musicians through a swamp of emotionally and technically difficult music.  Also emotional for me, watching those people pursue my once ever-so-saught-out-for dream. 

The leads on stage were stunning as well.  Ildik Raimondi was smashing and beautiful, as one could expect... she always delivers.  Look out, Netrebco!  However Nadja Michael stole my heart, playing the part of a man but written for a woman.  To pick apart each character (although the cast was quite small) would take up far too much time and I feel one would not enjoy it... even myself.  So let's move on with things, shall we?

Thank goodness for last week.  Leeann and her mom came to visit me and we sure had a blast!  It was really good to see people from home and talk real American english to some native speakers.  Leeann made me realize just how different I really am while/since I've been here, which is good-- I was beginning to think I wasn't making any progress physically or emotionally.  Crazy to think her and I have only been friends for a year and a half...!  She says we're disgusting and unhealthy because of it, but I don't really care.

Lessons at the Uni are going well.  Hard, but well.  Fun, but well.  I've made the fatal mistake of going past a violin shop on my way home from being out one night and have been itching to go in ever since.  We know I won't be wasting any money on something like that, but it will be an interesting endeavor to check out. 

Other than that, life is good and life is normal.  I'm heading for Strassburg, France tomorrow with my class for the European Union Euroscola seminar.  We will be there until Monday.  Hopefully I will be able to make an update afterwards.  If not, it will take even longer, because next Friday I am headed back to Southern France with the family for the Easter holidays.  Hopefully you are all well and drop me a line if you've got time!

10:10pm: Just a Bit
Well, even though I am not really keeping this up to date, I thought I would mention that I am keeping up with my goings on, just not on this, persay.  Here's a few things.

Two weeks ago I went to see the London Symphony Orchestra play Mozart Piano Concerto no. 22 and Sibelius 2.  It was pretty great.... the only thing that bothered me was the piano soloist created a cadenza that didn't fit the tone of the piece, orchestra, or venue in which she was playing, nor did she seem to fit with the orchestra.  It seemed to be two separate ensembles: the pianist and conductor, and the orchestra and the conductor.  Didn't fit like I'd hoped it would.  Individually, however, both parties played stunningly. 

The next week I heard the Munich Philharmonic playing Bruckner 5.  Munich Phil is famous for playing Bruckner, having premiered most all of his symphonies.  It was remarkable, but sadly I think I had too many expectations.  It was given great reviews and the reputation of Munich will live for another year in Vienna's Musikverein.

The day after that, Martina and I attended a lecture at the American Chamber of Commerce on the differences between American, Austrian, and German cultures, political mindsets, and business ettiquite.  This was probably the most interesting thing I've ever attended.  There are some things that you don't even think about until they are spelled out for you.  Things are going on right in front of your nose and it takes a cultural expert to outline them for you.  The lecturer was great, and I believe it opened up a new career idea for myself-- Cultural Analysis.  They research, which is one of my hobbies and strong points, travel, which is also a hobby, and speak, which, thanks to the Jensen family, I'm not too terrible at. 

Last night was my schools Musikfest at Musikverein.  The concert was Mendelssohn's "Elias" (Elija in English).  The orchestra played phenominally and, despite what was previously thought, the choir wasn't too bad themselves.  It was above average for anything I've ever seen, but the students were persistant that it was disgustingly below MGW standards.  I'll be looking forward to tomorrow to make sure they still feel that way (today we had no school). 

Other than that, Leeann is here visiting me for the week so it's been an absolute blast.  Not to mention she brought me cheetos and a frisbee.  I've got great friends....

Talk soon!

4:24pm: Schrumpfen
I don't even know why I keep having this-- I don't have the time/energy to keep it updated or interesting.  My sincere apologies.  Tonight I am going to the Munich Philharmonic concert at Musikverein, so perhaps I will post something interesting afterwards.  Until then, man.

3:48am: Gemar
Sadly I am truly running out of things to say, but I still feel it is important to keep you updated or whatnot.

Die Wiener Opernball (The Vienna Opera Ball) was this past Thursday.  Special guest was Paris Hilton.  Sasha and I were walking on the street and I watched her walk from the police security van (since there is only 1 limo in Vienna and that was probably already in use) into the Opera house.  What's hilarious is, earlier that day she was at an autograph signing, and people threw things at her because they hate her so much.  Really sad, if you ask me.  However that night at the ball she looked so incredibly bored.  She smiled twice: once when she was using her handy sending an SMS, and the other when she was looking in her mirror at herself.  Too bad the $500,000 was wasted on her.  Stupid Mr. Lunger.  She left the ball a half an hour earlier than her contract had stated.  Yet of course, since it's Paris Hilton, she still gets paid that insane amount of money.  Dumbbb.  Nick (the new guy from Wisconsin) and I were going to find her hotel and make signs that said, 'Sorry the Ball Sucked!  Come party with us!'  However the next day she flew to Tyrol for her birthday party.  Hopefully she had some fun there... right now, she probably effing HATES Austria.  Which is sad.

Yes indeed, a new American is in town.  At first I did not like it, but then I got to know him, and we get along smashingly.  Tonight I took him out to his first disco.  Sadly it did not suit my fancy, because, let's just say, it was one that fit his lifestyle.  He had a blast, though, which is good.  It's cool to see him get excited about the things I did when I first came (the discos, the drinking, the going out late late late, the responsibility and independence given, all the cool different things, ect.)  It's good that he's here... the other American, Brynne, is too busy wanting to go home and feeling sorry for herself.  Blah blah blah.

Other than that, things are still amazing and still crazy.  I enjoy almost every minute of all of it.  From two New Zealanders sleeping in my single bed to late nights in discos to countless hours of German to traveling to... all of it.  It's a good life.  One I'm nowhere close to being ready to say goodbye to.

p.s.
sarah sagt:  Wow, fun thing number 34 to do when you go home from exchange to find your mom is dying..

you don't hafta understand...

4:23pm: Berlin
I have been blessed with a bit of time to myself these past few days so I believe I've got time to write an entry that is perhaps worth something.  Let's see how much this amounts to.

This week was Semesterferien, which is 'semester break' for the Vienna and Lower Austria provinces of Austria.  February 1st was the exact half way point of my exchange, at which I am allowed to travel anywhere I want to alone.  Yes, that's right, just me, some friends if I so choose, a train or plane, and Europe at my disposal.  My first excursion was to the capital of Germany and Europe's second largest city, Berlin.  To compare it to any other city in the world would be unfair, but I must say it gave off an awful lot of Chicago vibes.  In fact, without all of the signs in German, one probably could tell very little difference!

My friend Kevin and I set out on a night train from Vienna on Friday night.  I love trains.  This one was about 9 hours long.  Crazy, right?  We met up with an employee of the Bolivian embassy to Germany, who was one of Kevin's friends from years past, along with his brother.  Two very nice guys who did an awful lot for us.  After settling into our place, we pretty much started right off with some sights.  

As you hopefully recall, Berlin was once divided between the Sovient Union and the Allied Forces (USA, UK, and France), into East (communist) and West (capitalist) divisions.  The Berlin Wall came down almost 20 years ago, making Berlin and Europe one again.  Such a feat is remarkable in retrospect, however you can still see and often feel the difference between the two sides.  East Germany doesn't feel quite as developed, and the architecture is very avant-garde for their time.  Gus's brother who has lived in Moscow says that part of Berlin resembles Moscow almost to the tooth.  The buildings aren't old or shady by any means, but you can still feel that at one point in history this part of the city was a bit deprived.  Cross the street into West Germany and you feel a difference immediatley.  Shops, restaurants, people... life.  The city is still under reconstruction after all of these years to try and bring the two sides to a more uniform standard, but I fear that total uniformity is a bit far off in the future.  

To consider the amount of history that has happened in that city really wakes you up.  The best part is when you realize just exactly how not-so-long ago it was.  We could've very well been standing on the place where Hitler killed himself.  We walked the streets of people who feared for their lives on a daily basis.  We crossed bridges freely that prisoners used to be exchanged across.  We just walked (or drove, rather) right through Checkpoint Charlie, right through the wall, from East to West as we chose.  Not only was it a blessing to realize how far the world has come, but it was emotional... all of those people... geesh.

Outside of Berlin is a small town called Potsdam.  Here, at a place called Cecliehof, the Allied Forces and the Soviet Union met to figure out what to do about this whole division thing.  Again, insane to see where Harry Truman and Whinston Churchill sat and discussed such an important issue in world history.  Don't get me wrong, there are older things around from Kaisers and whatnot, all of their old castles and things, but that time period, that kind of reign is a bit out dated.  The things that went on in Ceceliehof have a direct impact on where I was standing at that very moment.  Kevin kept calling it "living history," but I don't think we were living it because history has already happened.  However, we did visit history.  Took a step back in time to check out where all the god stuff went down.  

These are the touristy things we checked out in Berlin (since this is probably the easiest way to describe my trip):
-- Cecliehof- Amazing... very modest and really in the middle of nowhere, but oh so important.
-- Preussiche Schloss- Pretty place... but it ain't no Schonbrunn.
-- Potsdam University- Kaiser Wilhelm's wife's second palace... the first one wasn't good enough for her!... damn Germans will never settle.
-- Pergamon Museum- This is where the "Ishtar Gates" are.  Not a bad place to visit.  It's quite big and there is loads of Roman history.  Totally dig that.
-- Brannenburg Gates- Probably one of the main tourist attractions in Berlin.  Not quite sure of their historical significance, but still... you know :-).
-- The Berlin Wall- While most if it is torn down, there are still parts that are covered with paintings from aritsts from all over the world.  And you bet your ass I signed it!
-- Checkpoint Charlie- Where people would leave and enter the American sector.  There was a museum showing some of their methods... these people really wanted to leave that East side...
-- Hitler's Bunker- It's a parking lot now... only a piece of paper attached to some wood saying that it was one of his bunkers.
-- TV Tower- Similiar (if not the exact same one) to the TV Tower used in V for Vendetta.  We could've gone up to check out Berlin from above, but it costs some money and we are poor students... you get the idea.
-- Parliament (Reichstag)- A new and modern place.  Important for government, not so for tourists.
-- Egyptian Museum- Where Neferteti is.  Egyptian stuff kind of bores me.
-- Berlin Philharmonie- WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS!  Totally gorgeous.  Different than Musikverein.  Way different...

We were also in the studio audience of MTV'S TRL!  The band 30 Seconds to Mars was on it.  How cool is that, man?  I've never heard of the band, but you know...
And on the last night we went to see Dreamgirls.  In English.  Aren't we cool?!  On Monday we had All You Can Eat Pizza Hut!  Yeah buddy!

Time to head over to my buddy's house for the night.  Can't be home alone now, can I?... :-D.
Ciao leute.

12:13am: Back from Berlin
Found my way back from Berlin a bit early.  An exhausting trip was well worth it.  It's a beautiful city with an incredible amount of history and character.  I must sleep now, but I will update you with the details probably tomorrow afternoon sometime.  Maybe not until Sunday, though... there are 4 days left of vacation and I plan to see every last one of my pals if it kills me!  Almost made it to Sasha but a few kinks screwed that one up.  Let me know how you're all doing!

p.s. I love Vienna.

5:24pm: I really suck at making time for this thing.  Damn that all to hell.

Semester break is only a day away.  I will be going to Berlin with my friends Kevin and Stephan.  We have had many, many plans, all having to be altered, but I think this one finally is set in stone!  We leave Saturday night on a night train.  I'm quite excited to actually be on my own for a few days.  Berlin's a big city with a lot happening.  My host dad is convinced it's dangerous as shit, but he's also very conservative and has the poor situation of having a stick shoved so far up his ass.  We will return on probably Wednesday where I will hop back on a train to Linz to help my dear friend Nataleigh move to another host family, accompained by my pal Adil from school.  Friday I'm staying at Stephan's house, possibly playing a short concert series Friday and Saturday evenings for a bit of extra money. 

Things have been going oh so well.  I mean, as far as the family, there are always issues.  We don't always get along so well.  But my friends are absolutley amazing.  They always have been and always will be.  Last weekend was our "Schulball," and I had never had so much fun in my entire life.  I dressed amazingly (if I do say so myself) and danced the entire night away.  Literally the entire night.  Luckily the palace it was in is only a block from my house so coming home at 4.30 in the morning was okay. 

Picked up the violin again a few days ago for some good hard practicing and haven't been able to put it down since.  I'm looking at Zigeunerweisen, and it's nowhere near as hard as I had once thought it to be.  Perhaps it's doable.  I will play in a competiton in May... perhaps that piece!  I know I've got no chance in the world, but I want the experience and comments.  This will be the true test as to how much more effort I should throw into my studies...

Time to get going.  A nap before dinner sounds oh so cozy!  Talk soon,
Dan

12:49am: Many thanks for the words of encouragement and whatnot.  I apologize for the level of emotion that went into that.  Sometimes I can't help it, yano? 

Only a bit of time here.  My plans with Kevin have been adjusted yet again.  Rather than going to Innsbruck then to Switzerland and Lichtenstein and Germany, we are just going to do a night in Prague, then to Berlin.  He's got connections in Berlin so it saves us loads of money on a hostel and perhaps some food.  On the way back I'm going to stay in Linz with Tessa, Sasha, and Nataleigh... it's Kevin's birthday that day so he wants to go home.  It's Tessa's, too, so we'll have a good time in Linz, I hope.

I am currently working on my Austria photo album.  It's turning out really well.  Be sure to ask to see it when I get back!

Enough for now.  I'm too ansy for this.

2:16am: A Little Bit of Everything.

The week has just barely started and it’s already been extremely emotional.  Alike personalities in the household have yielded extreme tensions to the breaking point.  My Sunday night was spent sitting in the office on my computer, wallowing in self pity, debating moving to a new family.  As I should have realized and expected things smoothed over quite nicely and easily, as they usually do.  Too often do I take my family for granted.  Things usually go so well that when one thing goes out of place, it’s catastrophic to me and my mental state (which I seem to think are two separate beings).  Of course Benno helped, where I heard some of the same complaints about other exchanger’s families. 

 

It’s the most awkward feeling living with a host family.  You’re a guest in someone else’s house.  You aren’t a member of the family, you haven’t been there before and you won’t be there again, the things aren’t your things, and the food isn’t your food.  There are obligatory things that you should do as a showing of gratitude towards everything they give you (i.e. spend time with them, offer to help around the house, ext).  However, you are not here because you wanted to spend a year with a new family and get used to their lives and traditions.  You’ve decided to go abroad to learn the culture, to live like a person your age in the culture you’re in, during the time you’re there.  Being as how a host family makes so many sacrifices to ensure your comfort, safety, and a successful learning experience, some sacrifices must be made here and there, but they are not detrimental.  However, where does one draw the line between what the family can and cannot control over you?  Where do you step back and say, “Hey, that’s not right for me, you guys do that and I’ll do my own thing.”  There are only so many things you can ‘suck up’ and do to please the family.  A certain point in time will require doing what’s best for you.  This is something I’ve realized.  No matter what kind of tidal waves may rise and no matter who may become disappointed or whatnot, sometimes being selfless is more detrimental than it is, in the long run, beneficial.  But in a host family, where they are doing so much for you for no money or appreciation other than what you give them, how do you just come about and say, “I know you’re doing something really cool that I should do, but I’ve got my own plans so I’m going to do that.”?  It’s where you have to step up for yourself.  Since they are not your real parents, there are limits as to what they can and cannot control over you.  If one wants to do something such as hang-glide, travel with friends, or go to a party, they can be disappointed and think they can say ‘no,’ but in reality, their answer is somewhat insignificant.  If one were to respect the family and honestly wish to please them, they will obey their wishes. 

 

That’s why it’s difficult.  You have to figure out what will please you and what will please the family at the same time without slapping them in the face. 

 

I’ve been with this family for almost six months now.  There is pretty much nothing we haven’t been through and had to deal with.  We know each other’s tendencies and annoying little habits and are learning to adapt to them and deal with them.  That allows you to show your true, true colors.  While at first you are supposed to really be part of the family and just be you, there are the things you do differently because in the back of your mind you are thinking, This isn’t my house.  This isn’t my room.  These aren’t my sisters.  To this day, and unless I were to be legally adopted and have my genes change to become a full-fledged Heidinger, there are still small, small things that I do because of these subconscious realizations.  Other than that, my stuff is lying all over, I treat my host sisters like real little sisters, and give the same attitude to my host parents as I might my real ones. 

 

It’s not all fun and games.  Yes, my family is rich.  Unfortunately, extravagant traditions and customs come with that which are sometimes far too difficult to deal with.  I’ve had my share of freak outs, and am sure the next 5 months will have several more in store.  Perhaps it shouldn’t be as frequently as it is, but I think if the situation were any different, and if we weren’t getting in arguments like we do, it wouldn’t be nearly the amount of fun.

 

The half-way point is in about a week and half.  Winter semester kids are leaving, Spring semester kids are coming.  Times are strange.  We’ve made it this far, and to think we’ve got as much time left as we have already had.  My thoughts were turned upside down than my last entry for a bit.  During my wallow-in-self-pity session, I looked at some photos from recent events at home.  I feel like an outsider looking in on a life I used to live.  Some instances I would picture myself in the photos, realizing how much different life is now compared to a year ago this time, or how much different life is here than it is there.  Part of me fell apart inside.  The last part of me that was holding on to the old life, I think.  I completely lost it for about an hour.  People that were/are so near and dear to me looking so much different… so much older, doing things they would do even if I were there.  To think the sentence, “I miss Iowa” came out of my mouth.  To think the phrase “I want to go home” ran through my head.  It was absolutely insane.  However crazy, fair enough.  I kept thinking, I am supposed to be there.  I am supposed to be in those pictures.  I am supposed to be able to comment with inside jokes and witty quotations from the event.  When my best pal was down in the dumps and hearing how everyone else had to be there for him and I couldn’t.  Hearing about people, my friends, abusing other people’s vulnerability, and how it eventually caught up with them, and me not being able to be there to advise them and direct them on the right path.  Seeing other people taking my place on teams, in friendships, in groups.  I realize now why AFS highly recommends not keeping in touch with home too often.  One can only hope that somehow I’ll get my place in their lives back.  It’s selfish of me to think and to hope that I run across their minds when they’re doing something I would usually be involved in, but I think it. 

Why are people so influential?  It makes it all the more difficult to let go of them.

 

I say “I am supposed to be there.”  But am I?  A question I’ve posed several times.  Am I supposed to be there?  Am I supposed to be here?  Where do I belong in the world?  In Cedar Rapids, life is comfortable.  Everyone knows me or knows of me.  I know the town like the back of my hand and can get you to any place three or four different ways.  I know where to go to get what I want, and who to go to when I can’t get it and need/want it.  With the luxury of comfort, it still lacks… happiness.  Opportunity, perhaps, is what it is.  I blame a lot of my unhappiness on the city, but I guess it’s really what I make of it.  Of course I’ve got my amazing mother whose selfless nature and unconditional love brings me to tears and whom without I would be a lost cause, and my friends who light up my life and give me the will to keep on going strong, but what else do I really have there?   Here in Vienna, there’s so much for me.  Already in 5 months, I’ve made friendships that I know are going to last a lifetime.  For awhile, I thought, I’m just the American.  It’s been a few months and the hype is gone.  This is what it’s really like.  Such is turning out to be the opposite.  There have even been occasions where my friends have forgotten I hadn’t been there the past 7 years of school (barring my lovely American accent and often not-so-chic German).  My family talks about trips they are taking in future years and often consider prices based on 5 people, when they forget that I will be off their hands come summer time.  I know the city very well.  While it’s not huge, it’s still about 7 times larger than Cedar Rapids in population and even more so in area, and I’ve conquered it.  Tell me where you want to go and I will tell you the bus, tram, or subway to take to get there.  The compliment I’m most proud of is when my host dad says, “You know the public transport system better than me and I’ve lived here for 25 years!”  More responsibility and respect is given to teenagers, making the possibilities to have a good time much greater.  I go to a school which, if I were on the appropriate level, would prepare me for a life doing what I’ve always wanted to do.  Such an emphasis is not placed on subjects that aren’t going to have anything to do with my profession.  My fashion style blends in really well.  I walk the streets with my iPod and for some reason just feel…at home.  Like Vienna has been in my blood since birth.  I know I’ve felt like this at first, and some of that might have been the excitement.  The fact that it hasn’t gone away after such a long time is telling me something.

 

I’ve found somewhere where I can live a life and be happy.  My life before has never been bad, don’t get that impression.  I know I’ve been extremely blessed for everything I’ve gotten, and I also know I’ve worked hard for a lot of what I’ve gotten.  But you’ve got to understand… the mind can not always comprehend what the heart is feeling. 

 

Will I come back to Vienna?  Of course.  Regularly.  Will I make it my home?  I’m afraid there is too much to see in the world to make one place my permanent residence.  When the time comes and I am too crippled to lift my carry-on luggage above the seats and shove it into the overhead storage bins, perhaps I will consider buying a flat and residing until I die.  Until then, I don’t feel as though I’ve seen enough of the world to stop somewhere for good.  Upon my return I will have been to 10 countries in Europe and 25 of the United States (that’s not an exact number… I can’t remember without the magnets on the refrigerator at home).  That’s not enough.  The world is my canvas, and my brush has barely touched it. 

 

I will be happy.

I will be successful.

And I will work tooth and nail to get it.

Even if I die trying…

 

There’s something about late-night blogs that really motivate me.  I know nobody reads these because the length is a bit imitating, but oh well.  There are certain people I hope would read them, but they’ve never really been much into other people.

 

Happy Birthday, Vanessa!  Spoke with her for quite a long time this evening.  She sure is something.  There are those people you enjoy being friends with and will be friends with for a long time.  Then there are those people you love being friends with and can’t imagine life without them in it.  She’s one of them to me.  Tonight she especially made me feel good when she came to the same conclusion about my biggest pet-peeve as I have.  It’s a hint.  Too bad we’re both too kind to let it go outside of the telephone wires.  You should all be so lucky as to have a Vanessa in your life.

//end sappy dedication.  (but why don’t people do those more often?)

 

Last Saturday I spent 7 hours helping my best Austrian pal, Michi, with her English homework.   She comes from a Polish family, so while I was at her home, they would speak a mix between German and Polish.  I got a bit frightened when the Polish came about… I wasn’t expecting it and didn’t understand it.  I thought to myself, All that studying German hasn’t paid off at ALL!  Then she explained that half of what was said was in Polish.  I felt SO much better.  We finished at 9 p.m., celebrated with some champagne, then got ready for the night. 

 

Monday, my class went to the English Theatre for English class.  It made me realize just how much I hate British English.  My English teacher and I get in arguments during just about every lesson about which is correct, or what the correct way to say something is.  It’s all in good fun, of course, because I scream “DOWN WITH THE BRITS,” and he yells, “BLOODY AMERICAN” back.  The kids get a kick out of it, and it strengthens my patriotism (which until I left was non-existent).  The play was “Look Back in Anger.”  Quite awful.  Spent the entire time cringing at the words “dance,” “can’t,” “supposed,” and “France.”  Damn Brits.  Or as Prof. Scherwitzel would say, “Briton’s.”

 

Tomorrow I’ve got a quartet gig in Musikverein.  Next week we’re playing for some business brunch or lunch or something.  As of February 12^th, however, I will no longer be in the ‘violin studies’ program.  I am moving to the ‘conducting’ program at school.  My repertoire just isn’t vast enough to keep up with the other kids in the studio.  Plus, I feel as though I enjoy conducting more.  During choir one day, I got to conduct “Carol of the Bells” because he wanted to see how an American would do it.  It was empowering, and the way the kids responded to what I wanted them to do was magical.  As much as I love you guys, these guys leave C.R. Jefferson in the dust.  And there are 12 year olds in the choir… I could stay in the violin studio, but if I hope to keep music even as a hobby, I need to give it a rest.  The angst I’ve got towards it at the moment is fiery.  Shit…

 

I’d best be off.  It’s after 2, and I still want to read a bit.  If you’ve never read any John Grisham books, you’re missing out on something amazing.  Not the most profound literature, but a good fiction novel never hurt anyone. 

 

Oh, and… could I get a bit-o-feedback from those of you that read this?  If I’m speaking to an audience of myself, I would just as soon not use my bandwidth by submitting this to my LJ.

10:54pm: Mmm.
My apologies for those of you I whined and complained to last night. It wasn't a good night for me. I didn't sleep at all and paid for it the next day (today) for sure.

Wish I had time to write in this, but time is of the essence and here there is very little of it. Hopefully I will have the energy to keep you updated more thoroughly soon.

Until then, I am hanging in there. Rough Sunday, but amazing Cafe Benno perked things right up.

Bin verliebt :-).

12:45am: Nichts Besonders...
I'm in my prime as an exchange student right now. You hear all about those stereotypes of the exchange student being the partier, the one everyone talks to, the one who's ignorant and doesn't know what's going on, the one with money. All of which my friends consider to be true. Personally, I feel more than fortunate to be in my situation right now. This is an opportunity I feel I take for granted all too often. I have less than 6 months left here. 6 months to see Austria... to see Europe... to spend time with my amazing family... to get to know my amazing friends even better. Every night I spend at least an hour on the phone with my good friend Sasha. While the conversation isn't always 100% interesting, we often come to starting realizations about our new homes and the new culture we are in. I share pretty much everything with her, and her likewise with me. We're both fearing going home more than we feared coming here. She, however, isn't moving home. She'll be off somewhere else where people won't know the old her to compare her with the new her. I, on the other hand, will return to the place where I was born and raised for another year.

What's it going to be like?

Learning from my past experiences, and knowing my character, things could get dangerous. I am here in the heart of Europe where there is something to do or see every day. The possibility of me getting bored back at home are almost definite. And when I get bored, I usually get myself into trouble. I bore easily to begin with... my mind races at the speed of light, and I often have no idea what it means to relax and let life slow down. Why do I talk so fast? Because if I don't get everything I want to say out of my mouth right away I'm afraid a new thought will pop into my head and I'll forget what I was trying to say in the first place!

I'm deathly afraid of what my social life will be like upon my arrival and temporary stay in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. It is my goal not to follow in the footsteps of CR Jefferson's first and only other exchange student returnee and feel a sense of superiority to my fellow Cedar Rapidians. However, such a goal is going to be difficult to achieve, because I will have been more places and done more things in the past year than most people get to in a lifetime. It's not necessarily superior, but it's just... different. More fortunate, I guess. There will be so many stories to tell and pictures to show, and while I may get the occassional "wow that's cool," it is next to impossible to be able to share the experience with anyone. The sights, the sounds, the food, the people, the shows, the culture, yes, holy cow, amazing. But the concept of being on your own with a limited authority host family in the capital city of a foreign country is such a rare blessing that sharing it with those who have only heard about it is seemingly less triumphant.

And it won't be fair to them. My first few weeks are going to be miserable. After sleeping for one week straight, I will have to attempt to re-adjust to life in Iowa. Work hard to earn buckets of money. Lead a lifestyle of a family who works hard for their money and not one who can throw away as much as they want and still feel comfortable. I will constantly be comparing things. Austria will pop into my mind and it will seem to be all I talk about. And it's unfair.

Plus, these people will have had their own experiences throughout the year that they maybe want to share. Who am I to belittle them because they weren't in Vienna? I want to be able to get excited. Knowing my character, I believe everything will be okay in that area-- I live for my friends and hang on their every word. But I've still got 6 months. More has changed about me in the past 4 than the past 17 years of my life. Who knows what could happen...

But, that's all 6 months away. There is still so much to do and so much to learn before then that dwelling on coming home will just block my senses to what's around me now. I used to live in the now. Austria has taught me you've gotta look ahead if you want to be successful...

------------------------------------------

What a week it has been indeed.

A 2 week holiday has just passed. Christmas in Vienna is much different than I could've imagined. The Christmas season begins at the end of November and drags on until past New Years. The entire thing is quite romantic. In Austria there is a much less separation between church and state. Christmas here still revolves very much around it's actual namesake, the birth of Jesus Christ. It's not just Christmas day that is celebrated but the entire advent season. Everyone in the shops wishing you a happy advent season and whathave you.

During that time Vienna was litered with Christmas markets in small or large squares. They sell anything from scarves to wood carvings to food to ornaments. Real Viennese walk around these drinking "Punsch" (tea with rum) or "Gluhwein" (hot wine with cinnimon) in keepsake mugs one can return once the drink is finished or save as a memento. These markets are really something. While the stuff they have isn't all that interesting, the ambiance of the small stands, lights, trees, and cheery people really set the mood for the Christmas season.

Celebrations are on the 24th in the evening. We hosted Franz's mother and Martina's parents. After opening a plethora of presents (I won't list mine in fear of making things awkward...) we sat down for a 5 course meal that lasted for 2 hours. Afterwards we went to church at the girl's school (Maria Theresia's old palace... it's important) where Marlene was an altar server. She lost the holy smoke and dropped the wine glass.

The 25th was a Turkey dinner at Martina's parents house. I spent most of the day sleeping.

The 26th was a dinner at Franz's mom's house in Heitzing before we headed off to Murau for a long, long, long time in a really boring place. I would like to detail what I did, but the only significant thing is that I learned to snowboard. And I rock at it. Or something.



What's on my tap for the coming days/weeks/months?
I have to register for the ACTs and SATs. I will take ACTs in April and SATs in May. Until then I have to study like mad. Luckily, that's an excuse to get out of doing a lot of family things I don't wish to do. In 3 weeks is our semester break. The family will go skiing at one of the worlds fanciest resorts. Since the whole gliding on snow thing isn't really my bag, my pal Kevin and I plan to do some traveling. Our initial intention was Prague, but that's a bit difficult since there is no good train from Austria to the Czech Republic since they hate us. So we may just go to Munich of Hamburg, Germany. Two weekends after I will go to Budapest, Hungary with Lauri from Finland who spent 3 months there. March promises a trip to Strassburg, France with my class and one to Cannes, France the following weekend with my host family. Hopefully in early April or earlier I will make it out to Innsbruck to see my friend Tessa. I wish to travel to somewhere in Scandinavia in April (perhaps to see Ms. Jen in Sweden?) but that might be more expensive than worth it. May is supposedly mine and Brynne's 5 day stay in Italy with our Italians, but I may not be seeing her again. Travels will be wrapped up in June with a trip to Athens with my good, good friend Sasha. The family was also invited for a long weekend at their friend's flat in London. Let's hope that works out, but since the UK isn't really Europe, I don't much care to see London. And of course the promised weekend in Prague in the spring. I will make it there before I leave if it's the last thing I do...

Not to mention all the parties, museums, and dinners in the meantime.

My God am I happy...

3:29pm: Gimme a few hours
Til I post again.

3:16am: Eckt?
Quick 30 seconds.

Long 2 week break that seemed to never end.
Big plans for the coming week.
Crumbling mental state.
Exhausted physical state.
Loads of realizations that break my heart.
I hardly recognize myself right now.

Who the fuck am I?

12:06am: Holler.
What a week.

I had two pleasant visitors this weekend. Unfortunatley I cannot disclose who they were for it is possible for me to endure miniscule yet annoying lectures from my 'legal guardians' on the off chance that they are reading this, but most of you know! It was nice meeting with them for the short time we were together. For more details, inquire via e-mail.

Monday was the Heidinger family annual "Kinderadvent." All of the kids from the families we know come to the house and they read Christmas stories, sing Christmas carols, and do all kinds of Christmas-y things. It's really modest and quite sweet, actually. Franz made apple cider, and it made me feel just like at home again! Even though I don't drink apple cider at home... (I also don't drink Coke at home, but every time I go out here, I get Coke. WTF?)

Martina has been stressed to the max this whole week, what with getting work sent out and things. To help relieve some of her stress, I have made her take me to a few Christmas markets, and just take a few breaks to slow down and talk to me. That's the thing about this family; they are dedicated to the point of sickenss. I admire them to the greatest extent... they are wealthy, renouned, and amazing at what they do. Unfortunatley that comes at a price... mental health and family health. Luckily, they say this is their busiest time of the year, so once this next weekend hits, everything will be A.O.K!

Every day after school my friends and I have been out and about, doing random things, and just having a good time. I often question whether or not my lifestyle is normal or not-- everyone is telling me that I make them do things they never thought they would do. They loosen up around me. Perhaps thats good, perhaps it's not. Nonetheless, life is much more fun if you chill out about it. Of course there are some things that are important to pay attention to, but why let so many things get to you? Why save money when you can't take it with you when you die anyhow? Why not stand on your head in a cheerleading skirt in the middle of a park if it's fun? I guess stinginess has never been my way of life, and it never will be. Staying in because I had just gone out the past three consecutive nights is probably the poorest excuse ever. Live life. And have fun doing it. It won't live itself!

I was able to do several tourist-y things this week. Toured Haus der Musik...a unique combination of music history and modern music. There were several things one could interact with while learning valuable information. I got to learn about the Vienna Philharmonic (and watch their New Years Concert,) about 7 million Austrian/European composers (although you would be dumbfounded to find that all of the names most people know in the classical world of music were either born or lived in Austria... Vienna, to be precise), and even about how we hear sounds. At the time it was difficult to show interest in everything, because when I learn things I much prefer to right them down so that night I can study them, but I do intend to go back and spend hours writing things down. Museums fuel my interest and spark my mind. I especially don't mind spending money on them!

Also toured the Vienna Opera House. My goodness is it beautiful. Strange to think of the people that have walked through it. This place is world famous, and has literally the worlds best Operas (not just because Vienna is my city... it's pretty much a world-known fact), yet it still functions as if it were a normal Paramount Theatre. People walk through it every day. It's just... strange to fathom, you know? Nonetheless, it was probably the coolest tour I have taken since I have been here. History in real life really gets me going!

The Vienna Musikverein was also on the list. This is where the Vienna Philharmonic plays their concerts. It was quite short and there was not much to it, but again, to think about the people who play there, the people who have walked through it... just wow. Also went to see the Art History Museum. The exhibits didn't interest me quite as much as the building itself did. All of it=worth it!

Doing these things made me realize that even with my contiuned effort to absorb every ounce of Vienna as I can, I still have so much to go do and see. The cold has been a good excuse for now, but it's something I must overcome. My friends and I have come up with several new weekly traditions of hanging out, which is a blast, but I need to integrate a bit of Vienna culture in there, too.

Tomorrow is the Heidinger Punsch. 100 guests in our home for 4 hours. Woo!

11:49pm: I Regret to Inform You...
My Dearest Readers,

It has come to my attention this past week that my contact to the States has become far too frequent and in-depth, and therefore, my use of the Internet, from now until the end of my stay, will be limited. I spend too much time speaking English, and trying to live my life both here and there. It keeps me awake all night, and in the end, is terrible for my social and educational life here in Vienna. You all know how very much you mean to me, and it is really difficult for me to have to cut myself off, but for the good of getting everything out of my experience as humanly possible, I must begin to draw back. I will, however, still be using e-mail and I will be updating this journal. I am going to attempt to reduce my usage of Facebook and MySpace, too. This experience is for me to live my life to it's fullest, and for you to live your life without me in the way. My angst towards home is growing stronger by the minute, and I feel as though the only way I can appreciate it is if I just leave it behind for the next several weeks or months.

If you need to reach me, I can be reached via e-mail. I will still be checking that most frequently. In fact, I would absolutley love it if you would email me just to say 'hi' and tell me what you're up to. lilwinterz13@msn.com .

Friends, I love you dearly. I really do. I miss you all so much... and that's why I'm doing this. It's too difficult for me to talk to you every day but not see you.

Here's to a good, long rest of the year. We will all change and grow... hopefully we will be able to recognize each other come July. And if not, it was a helluva good run. If I could write each of you a letter and feel like it actually means something to you, I would. Unfortunatley I am really good at giving my everything and making people my priority and having them give me shit in return. Yeah, there's the angst coming out.


Things are changing for me. I must figure out how to deal with them. I leave you with this:

People are so influential. That's what makes them hard to let go. Friendship is the most sacred thing you could ever have in your life; keep it, and make it be everything you want it to be. And please... never settle for something because it's easy and convenient. Ever.

10:36pm: Rant Rant Rant...
A bit of an uneventful week. Small bouts of friend-sickness got me down for a bit, until my amazing school friends perked things right back up for me. I love my school friends. A lot of exchange students I know have absolutely no Austrian friends… or at least very few. I got lucky on that one.

People say that it is this point in the exchange where the most students get really homesick and go home. They are finally getting into a routine and everything isn’t all new and exciting. So far this year, 3 students have gone home early from Austria. Let’s hope homesickness doesn’t get the best of the rest of us so we can keep our group strong.

Every year AFS Vienna cooperates with a Volksschule (elementary school) to introduce different cultural ideas to the young children. The participants in AFS Vienna are asked to assist in this, presenting their own culture to the students during special school functions or special classroom sessions. About a month ago, a few of us went to their “open house” of sorts and provided cultural entertainment (I just played the violin… how cultural, huh?) Thursday, Brynne from California and I, were asked to go to a class and present to them a bit about American Christmas. Let me tell you, it is a challenge to try and describe your traditions and typical activities when you yourself have no idea what they are! As an attempt to hide the fact that we couldn’t think of much to tell the children about American Christmas (other than about Santa Claus and stockings, and that we celebrate it on a different day), we played games and made them food. We taught them “Duck-Duck-Goose” which was a hit. Then we fed them delicious, fresh apple cider (which none of them have ever tried before. Here, cider is alcoholic… like everything else). We talked a bit and sang a few Christmas songs together with the kids (Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer—Happiness Style!) and to top it all off we made sugar cookies and let them decorate them with frosting and sprinkles. As most of you know, I despise children, so it was difficult for me to stand up in front of 25 kids for an hour and talk to them like they gave a crap. But they liked the games and the food, so that’s all that matters. The teacher asked Brynne and I to come back and give the kids an English lesson here or there. We’ll see about that. The rest of the day was filled with shopping and eating… what Brynne and I do best. Not a bad day, I guess.

Friday was St. Maria Emphaengins day. It is the day Mary, mother of Jesus, was conceived. Why it is celebrated I have no idea, but it meant no school, so whatever! We took a trip to visit Martina’s mother (who is the second coolest grandma in the world… Nana is of course the shit) who is staying in a very remote location for 3 weeks. She had cancer and was treated with chemotherapy. The government pays for everything (thankfully), but in order for them to, patients are required to go to a type of rehabilitation for a 3 week period. It was an extremely remote region of Austria and nothing too thrilling (called Waldviertel, Nana… just mark down Zwetel and that’s close enough. Or Weitra. Gans in die nie). We got back just in time to attend a birthday celebration for the pastor of the Heidinger’s church. Some long, boring Mozart mass. I was very conflicted. But Marlene and I goofed off the whole time, so it reminded me of the good ol’ days in church. The rest of the weekend was very lackadaisical, and I enjoyed it thoroughly.


My attempts to learn German are finally starting to get somewhere. At least, it is progressing faster than some of my AFS peers. I find it ridiculous to be a German Nazi and insist that we speak German since we are in Austria *cough KEVIN cough*, but if I can work it in there… great! I must say, my attitude about it is terrible. First of all, it is difficult for me to learn when A) it is common for my host family to speak English even to each other, and B) whenever I try to speak German and do it incorrectly, they just laugh at me and never let me live it down. I become a bit confused sometimes: they talk to me in English almost all the time, then they get on my case about not learning German? Nonetheless, speaking it with my school friends helps tremendously because they know what it is like to have difficulties learning another language (English). I have thought for the longest time that German is hideous and mean. While some dialects are, Austrian, Viennese in particular, is actually pleasant to listen to. It is an extremely difficult language… there are at least 5 forms of the word ‘the,’ and which one you use depends on the object you’re talking about and in what tense. There are at least 4 ways to say “me” or “I,” also depending on tense and context. My difficulty is this: I have been working so hard for so many years to sculpt my English to be sophisticated and correct… using a large vocabulary and well-thought out sentence structure is always my goal. In German, for me, that is not possible. Not only is it not possible for me, but it is just not done. You say things like, “Let’s make a party” or “Look here once,” phrases I would never say in English. Dumbing-down my thoughts is just part of the game, I guess.

We often take our mother tongue for granted. The thing is, America is the only superpower in the world, and while such a position is soon to be overtaken by China, we are in the meantime allowed to be arrogant assholes. I do not say this about our language incapability. Gah, I’m getting all mixed up. Here:

In most countries in the world, English is the second-most spoken language. Throughout a persons life, they most always learn English (in the well developed countries, anyhow). Some love it and wish they could speak it fluently, some hate it and never wish to speak it ever. But there is one thing both of these groups of people have in common: they want to be able to communicate. No matter what. That often requires them to learn English. English is not the most spoken language, it is just the most universal. We were blessed to come from a country where American English is our mother tongue. We can pretty much sit on our asses and watch everyone around us cater to our own needs and learn our language. You’re probably thinking I am one of those people who thinks it is disgusting that American’s don’t often learn second languages. That is not the case. Why should we when the standard is already set? I do think, however, we need to not take it for granted.

A question I pose to you is this: do we speak English, or do we speak American? Would you call it a dialect? The answer is this: We speak American-English. It is a dialect for now, but becoming more and more a language of its own. We are the only country that speaks this form. The other English speaking countries: Canada, Great Britain, South Africa, Australia, and New Zealand, speak British English. Canada certainly doesn’t speak Canadian-English… they once belonged to Great Britain. Speak to one, you’ll be able to tell, even if their accents are American. (P.S. American’s don’t have accents to most foreigners… another common rumor that has proved to be false. It’s this beautiful thing called Hollywood. To British people and to Australians, yes, example “trash can.” To others who don’t speak English as their first language, we are normal). British people of course speak British-English, with different spellings of words and everything. South Africa, also a British colony at one point, British English. The Down Under is a bit of a stretch for British-English, but for now, their words like ‘bobby’ and ‘Sheila’ are defined as slang… spoken conversationally but not written formally. Perhaps as the language evolves and more difference is distinguished between the English’s, Australian-English will also be an acceptable language, but until then, it’s all British.

Compare it to German. There is high-German and low-German. Nobody speaks low-German anymore (comparable to Elizabethan English). However, Germany speaks a bit differently than Austria, and Switzerland speaks a language pretty much all it’s own… intensely Swiss-German. Belgium Flanders speaks another form of German, but what do you call it? No idea. Not just dialects here… different languages. All can be understood by mother-tongued speakers, but not always fluidly. Same with us… we can always understand the Brits and the Aussies, but often with a bit more effort.

Great Britain is to English as Germany is to German.
The States are to English as Austria is to German
Australia/New Zealand is to English as Switzerland is to German
South Africa is to English as… well… poor South Africa… did you even know they spoke English there?

to go deeper…

Vorarlberg is to Austrian German as New York or the Deep South is to English

but that’s a bit more difficult to try and explain.

English is easy. There is a silly rumor going around that English is a difficult language, and that all foreigners have a problem learning it. Going through my list of new acquaintances, all of them but the South American’s say that English is extremely easy, especially in comparison to languages like German, Italian, or Russian. We have one word for ‘the,’ they’ve got 5 or more. While we have some irregular verbs, even when conjugated incorrectly they make sense. English is judged on style and fluidity. While some of the ways we move our mouths are difficult, there are the exact same difficulties in all other languages. German, for example, has “z’q,” “pf,” “ehn,” that unless you acquire a German or Austrian accent are disgustingly difficult. Chinese is even worse. My host father says that being fluent in a language means carrying the accent of that language. I will be fluent in German when I have an Austrian accent. He is fluent in English not only because he’s disgustingly smart, but because he has the most American accent I have ever heard from a foreigner. That is a bit difficult for me to follow, because there are just some English words an Asian just cannot say naturally.

Maybe I am just feeling a bit proud of our language, and maybe I am just starting to miss having classes/conversations in English. However these are just ideas I am gathering… facts, observations… perhaps nothing makes sense just yet. A lot of it doesn’t make sense to me yet, either. That’s what these next 6.5 months are for. So bring on the rain!

2:35pm: I'm having an internal struggle with my once intense passion with the violin.

A really difficult struggle. I don't think my love for it is strong enough. Was strong enough. I think that it's all I've ever known for 11 years, and now that I am here, I realize just how much more there is to life.

I still love the music-- the theory, the history, the conducting.
But the violin and I have grown ever so distant.

We'll see what happens in the future. I know a lot of people will be disappointed in me, but that's something I have to deal with... hopefully the friendships I've made through my music making will last through this period of musical rest.

I don't know what to do about this...

12:56am: Achso...
My goodness am I tired!

It was a really good weekend. My family and I went to Salzburg, the famous city where The Sound of Music was filmed. We left on Friday night and stayed with Franz's aunt in her extra apartment in the middle of the city. On Saturday, Martina, Franz, and myself left the girls with Tanta Senta while we hit the city for some intense shopping and (for me) sight seeing. Salzburg is about half the size of Cedar Rapids in population and a fourth in area, but it is overflowing with tourists. Especially at this time of the year, being pre-Christmas, and being that Salzburg is known throughout Europe as one of the nicest cities before Christmas. The majority were from Italy (which we enjoy because they do wonders for our economy... they spend so much money) and England (because there is a really cheap direct flight from London to Salzburg).

There was a really nice Christmas Market that luckily we got to early enough to beat the crowds. I saw a portion of the cities 40 historic churches before taking a tram to the top of a small mountain to visit an extraordinary castle. It was remarkable. Franz didn't go, so Martina and I took our time there and coming back, stopping at McDonalds for something to eat. I'm pretty sure that if I would've been keeping the Monopoly pieces that we would've won a house. Oh well... Got some new shoes at Zara that I find very comfortable. Yay for being in style!

That night, I did the strangest thing ever-- I went out to check out the night life with, you guessed it, my host dad. What the heck right? It actually turned out to be a really good time. We went to five bars (and I had this AMAZING Sex on the Beach at Hotel Sacher... new favorite drink... even if Franz does call it a girl's drink). The last one was an 18+ club. He got me in, stayed for a drink, then said "Have fun. Here's money for a cab. See you in the morning!" Yes, I do have the coolest host dad EVER.

Sunday the family went to another famous castle in Salzburg called Hillbrunn. It has a really great Christmas Market. Spent lots of time/money there. Then went to a great restaurant. We kind of fell victim to some family feuding, but that's passed thank god. Not involving me! Wahoo!

Salzburg is a nice city, but yet again, too small for me. And too boroque. I feel sorry for the youth that live there-- there is nothing to benefit them in their identity growth whatsoever. The town is ever so rich, and society is apprently very closed. Unless you are married with a family, you will not fit into society there. Damn conservatives!



Anyhow, to some political issues...

The European Union will be adding two new countries to it's league on January 1st... Romania and Bulgaria. That will raise the membership to 27 countries, 12 of which have the Euro as their currency (but as of the 1st, Slovenia will introduce the Euro, increasing that number to 13). Some consider this Eastern expansion to be a landmark in the development of the EU. To me, it's just the countries way out of economical difficulties. If they were economically and socially stable, then their acceptance would be beneficial to all. However, their economy is poor, and they've got virtually nothing to export, so what good will it do to the EU? Eastern countries still have border control. Their economies are struggling to the point where introducing the Euro is something that is long in the future. All this is going to do is make it easier for them to flee their country in search of a richer government. Please sometime tell me the positives of this?

Turkey is a candidate for EU membership as well. Don't even get me started on this one. First of all, only 8% of Turkey lies in Europe. Hardly a European country. If we start letting countries that far east into the Union, then why stop there? Why not add Russia and China and Malaysia? Sure the Maastricht Treaty doesn't have geographical boundaries, but it'll just turn into another UN or NATO, battling for it's place in the world, looking to overcome useless difficulties like Darfur (z.B). Nonetheless, with all of the economical and especially social difficulties going on in Turkey, it could take about ten years for them to actually get acessed. Even longer to introduce the Euro, if they even would. Again, this just opens them up for more opportunity to flee. It would be the most populous country in the EU, with 80 million people. Turkish economy is terrible and their standard of living is plummeting at an exponential rate. Because of this, Turks easily flee to other countries. They cannot make a living in their own country so they try to do it somewhere else to provide for their families. Admirable? The way I see it, you should have to be able to prosper in your home country in order to attempt prosperity in another. I believe I was prosperous in America, which is why I elected to live in Europe for a year.

Austria has an especially difficult problem with Turks (although it is not the Turks alone that are at fault for this). All one must do to get from Turkey to Austria is go through Hungary (and NOBODY wants to live there). Since Austria is the wealthies country (in relation to size and popualation) in Europe, they attempt to live off of that wealth. Trouble is, they are not allowed to work legally, thus they move to illegal means of making money (illegal employment, prostitution (which is legal here), drug dealing). The Turkish youth form dangerous gangs and pollute the streets with their violent attitudes. Therefore, we have a bit of a negative attitude towards them here in Austria. However, we often neglect to realize that if we were to allow them to work, at least on some level, that the problem wouldn't be so awful. Goes to show even the greatest country in Europe has it's flaws... (yes I am partial. Deal.)


More when my nose stops running and my throat stops taking a beating.

11:43pm: Sad Beyond Belief
I think there has been only one time I have cried this much in my entire life, and that is when I said goodbye to Vanessa.

Today was the Italians, Belgians, and Czech. They were here only for a trimseter program which ended officially. I knew none of the Belgians (until tonight) and I didn't know the Czech boy, but I was friends with so many of the Italians, and saying goodbye to them was extremley hard. They have really taught me the most about life, I think-- to laugh a lot, eat a lot, and learn a lot.

It's like this... coming here, I started a new life altogether. I really am a different person, whether it seems like it to you or not. I have an entire different lifestyle, fashion style, daily routine... everything is different. In an exaggerated sense, it is like being born again... these people I arrived with are like... not like, ARE, my family. Unfortunatley, it is unlike my family in America who I am going to see again... return to, and be in the same places with the same people. Some of these people, while I don't want to think about it, I will never see again. Not once. The world is too big and I know too many people to make it possible to visit each one of them. We will never be all together again. Sure, I will see many of them on my trip to Italy in the spring, but it's going to be so different to live here without them. I don't really know life here without them... so I will have to undergo yet another adjustment stage.

This farewell has also really made me wake up. My time here is far too limited to do the usual... to go to school, come home, take a nap, eat dinner, then go to bed, with a few internet visits here or there. I need to live every minute to its fullest in order to get the most out of this experience. I need to spend time with these amazing people that I meet and really absorb every scent of this vast and unique culture. Rather than waiting for people to come to me, I need to be even more outgoing than I thought I was and show them who I am and what I am about. The Italians are so sad to leave... they say things like "I hate Italy, I'm not going back!" They love Austria, and German. Why don't I love German that much?

I will go out, learn German, and live every MINUTE to it's fullest.
You may not hear from me as much, but realize, it's all for the good of the country!

1:12am: Bratislava and More
Today was a really special day in my life. How romatic, right?

So maybe that is dramatic. I don't really care. Either way... it got me thinking, "What is the best day I have had since I have gotten here?" And sadly it has drowned me in thought to the point of almost depression because I cannot seem to find one. Either I just cannot remember the things I have done, or they all just run together and since each day tops the last it's impossible to say that I've had a 'best day.' But I digress...

We went to Bratislava today to get our visas. I'm still not one hundred percent sure why we had to leave Austria to get a visa to live in Austria, but oh well. It was a free trip. Anyhow, I went with Brynne (USA), Alaz (Turkey), Karmen (Mexico), Ana (Honduras), and Arisu (Japan). We hopped on the train with 2 AFS Volunteers, Philip (AFS to Italia '98) and Lara (AFS to USA '05) from Westbanhof to Bratislava. AFS paid for absolutley everything. The train ticket, the food we ate there... it was amazing. The best part-- my visa was FREE! Didn't have to pay a penny (or Kronen, the Slovakian currency). You'd think three meals and drinks (we went to 5 restaurants) would be expensive... only 211 Euro the entire day. For all of us. Yeah Bratislava is cheap. But reallllly cool. I have to say, for the history it's gone through, it's really shapping up. It's no Vienna, and definatley nowhere close to a New York, but it's getting it's shit together and starting to look civilized. It's got a ways to go, but really, when I had the chance to really take a step back and absorb the culture and the ambiance of the city, I kind of fell in love for a second.

MY TOP FIVE FAVORITE CITIES IN THE WORLD:
1. Vienna
2. New York
3. Venice
4. Bratislava
5. Rome

I've yet to visit Prague or London or Paris.

Probably what made me enjoy my trip the most was the company I kept, but that would require me to engulf you in yet another extended expression of my passionate emotions towards the AFS family. Unless you've really spent quality time with people for 2.5 months solid, you'll never understand what it's like to have such a close community right in your backyard.

Then was Cafe Benno. I was all prepared to say goodbye to the Italians until they decided they want the Americans (Brynne and I) to come to the airport to say goodbye. So I will see them again and try to be ready then. I miss them already...



The European lifestyle is almost a race all it's own. To define it in a word would be more than impossible. To define it in a hundred words would be impossible. I will take this opportunity to address my views on what I have observed thus far.

The difficult thing about saying the word "European," is that Europe encompasses more diversity than any continent on the planet. To say something is "European" is the most farfetched generalization I believe one could conjure. Within one hour, I can travel from one of the most if not the most wealthy countries in Europe to the poorest in one direction, and to a continent begging for European status but is technically Asia in another direction. What is Austrian is not anywhere close to what is Slovakian. What is Italian is hardly what is German. If something comes from Europe, then yes, I guess you could say it is European, however when one buys something from the U.S. or Canada, they don't say, "It's North American." Luckily, during my short stay here this far, I have been to Northern Italy, Slovenia, Austria, Turkey, and Slovakia, in addition to my previous travels to the rest of Italy. Therefore, when I speak on a grander scale, I cannot speak on behalf of Germany or France or Spain or England (which is a joke for a European country but that's another rant) because I have yet to visit. Luckily I am young and my time is plentiful, so it is a matter of years before I will have traveled to them all. Nonetheless, digression overcomes me again.

A common misconception I seem to have run across is that Americans consume on a much grander scale. From what I have witnessed, such is not the case. There is little difference. The difference I notice is that we waste more of what we purchase. Here, they eat it until it's gone. Nothing left over. If there is, someone else eats it. It isn't necessarily because they don't want to waste it, but simply because they recognize that they like it, that it's there, and that it's already paid for, so why not eat it? There is no such thing as a free refill on a drink. Ketchup costs extra even at McDonalds. So perhaps that is what poses the idea of the lesser rate of consumption. This is something I must say I do enjoy. There seems to be a much greater sense of worth for the Euro than Americans hold for the Dollar. Which is strange, considering in the world "economy," the Euro is stronger (but one cannot measure economy in what the dollar can buy... think about India. No banks, man... yet another rant). There is just as much waste here as I remember at home.

Take a look at the statistics in America right now. The divorce rate, the unemployment rate (yeah I know it's getting better), the poverty rate, the depression rate. Take three steps back and try to devise one word that could possibly have a part in explaining such struggles. Want to know what I've come up with? Stress. We work and work and work all day long, trying to make more dollars to spend and support our families, squeezing in overtime and figuring out what we can bill our offices for to try and weasle every amount out of them as possible. If we're lucky, there is the weekend to enjoy life, if there is enough energy to do so. Then come over to the other side of the world. My host parents work from 8AM-7PM, however, if they have errands to run or want to take a long lunch, it's no big deal. The law guarentees them 25 days of holiday plus 13 public holidays where there is no work during the year. That's more than a month that one does not have to go to work but still gets paid for. Yes, America has that as well, but are you aware of anyone who actually takes all of there vacation? In the summer months, literally, everyone here goes on holiday to somewhere else for weeks and weeks. They earn their money, yes, but they actually take the time to enjoy what they earn, to enjoy their life, to enjoy what is in front of them. Life seems generally more... relaxed. There aren't security cameras watching your every move (except on Schwedenplatz but that's a different story) even in Billa (the grocery store). Most parents (except for mine) don't hound you about your school work or what you did in school because they know it's your life to live. People don't consciously act differently in public as we do in the States because we "Don't want to make a scene" or "Have everyone look at us." You live your life, I live mine. Cars will stop when you want to cross the street no matter where you walk. In America they would just as soon run you over because they want to get where they want to go when they want to get there.

While time is lax, quality is not. Things here are old. However, not as old as one might think. In the second world war, the ratio of destroyed buildings in Vienna was literally 1:1. For every one building left standing, one was destroyed. Needless to say, while things have old characteristics, they themselves are not that old. Sure there are a few things that are old, but some things here are younger than things in the states (Rathaus is younger than the White House, for example). When I first arrived here, I thought, "Oh great, everything I use is going to break." No way man. It is probably just a matter of realizing it's not wrong it's just different, but to think that I can actually, I don't know, tape a picture onto the wall of my 300 year old house, or to think that people actually go to church in Stepahnsdom which is like, old? Stuff still goes on in things that are so old without them being ruined? It's a bit difficult to describe. It's like shopping for food: you always want to buy the stuff that looks good, yeah? But, then when you try it, you realize, 'Oh, the stuff that isn't so appealing is actually good! And sometimes BETTER!'

I haven't gotten anywhere, this I know. There is no conclusion, there is no consistent thought, there arent even necessarily coherent sentences. This is not how (poor) English teachers like Mr. Petersen (attempt to) (")teach("). But you're witnessing my attempts to organize myself. Input is appreciated, criticism and 'your wrong-ness' isn't. Arrogance is a bitch. Bare with me. I feel myself on the brink of brilliance. It's a matter of time... time and rest...

2:25am: This Entry Makes No Sense And Sounds Really Bad.
As expected, as I settle more and more into my European lifestyle, into my new family, and into my new life here, I am writing less and less, and keeping in touch with home even less frequently. There are less and less surprises, and I finally feel like I am in some kind of a routine. I am used to my surroundings, to my friends, to my family, even to my bed (which took the most amount of time). And would you believe, even now that everything is coming to a slow down, I'm still feeling happier than ever? Even the days where I forget that I am living in Vienna, Austria, the cultural capital of Europe and one of the worlds most historical cities in the world (dispite it's rebuild after the war), I still feel content with myself. The people I have surrounded myself with are the kind of people who are willing to appreciate me in ways I appreciate them. The things I do are most always worthwhile and help me better myself in some way. The places I go are diverse and require a greater scope of acceptance than I ever imagined I would need.

Thinking about money and how much I need vs. how much I have makes me upset. I know it is kind of expected for me to bring back several things for you to show you and to give you and whatnot, however I have decided that it will have to be on a limited basis. That is something I won't set money aside for. I am going to make the experience for myself, not for everyone else-- I usually do things for other people and not for myself, and I cannot let it continue.

My attempts to come to a conclusion about the lifestyle here is still a feat yet to be conquered. Perhaps that is due to the frequent communication between here and where I have come from. Therefore, I am going to attempt to less-frequent the internet during the times school is out, and keep a bit more to myself. I already hear stories about me spreading like wildfire throughout my peers and without me being there to defend it or explain it just makes me sad for them. Makes me realize so much about how I've changed. All the changes... I hardly recognize myself. And it's only been a month and a half?

This entry was going to be like six times as long, but I've talked myself into a trance, and feel I need to think about what I want to say before I write it now. I need to do a lot of thinking.

But on Monday I go to Bratislava to get my Visa! Wahoo!

10:24pm: For Real?
Just a quick note-- for those of you aware of my situation with my host father... you'll be happy to know that he keeps complimenting me on my German, saying "Du sprichst sehr gut Deutsch! I am proud of you!" He calls me fluent (even though I can't speak it, just hear it). It's really uplifiting for me, especially since that was the most difficult thing for me to deal with in the past. He and I are becoming very close. He has a closeted love for American literature, so we've been discussing a lot of that. Not in the Petersen way, mind you, but in like, a real persons way. It's amazing. Finally, someone with real ideas, who's open to new ones, and not constantly trying to out-do the world with intellectual thoughts and pulled-out-of-the-ass connections.

Enough about that. I am going to go to bed-- terrible headache. Bis spaeter!